Present Imperfect

T to the M to the I

April 21, 2004

According to my employee handbook, our "Dress Standard" consists of clothing that "must be neat, clean and in good condition." Fair enough. But I know that there is a Secret Dress Code that stipulates (among other secret things) we may not wear off- or one-shoulder tops or dresses, strapless tops or dresses, clothing that reveals bits of our underwear (bra straps, specifically), thong sandals (presumably because, even if they are of the dressy variety, they call to mind flip-flops), blue jeans (except on Fridays) or sneakers (ditto).

The hypocrisy of not allowing employees who sell provocative clothing to wear it notwithstanding, only the last two things affect me, since, left to my own devices, I would wear jeans and sneakers every single day. In order to comply with the Secret Dress Code, I wear lots of non-blue corduroys, khaki trousers and Rocket Dog slip-ons with a Velcro strap. Technically, I believe the standard attire for my workplace is meant to be "business casual." But unless your business is selling corduroys, khakis or Rocket Dog shoes, I'm really just "casual."

That said, I am not altogether without personal style. I simply do not like to "waste" a good outfit on work. There are no windows in my building. Outside stretches beautiful Hollywood Boulevard, which is filled with crazy homeless guys shitting in public. I am not eager to impress my coworkers with my amazing taste if it means I have to wake up even 15 minutes earlier on a weekday.

Lately, however, I have been obsessed with replacing every single mediocre item in my wardrobe with something I would normally "save" for an occasion. Every item in my closet and in my dresser should be as welcoming to me as, say, my red Ben Sherman trench coat and striped turtleneck or my slowly growing collection of Fred Perry track jackets. All crappy tee shirts are making way for Charlotte-brand blends or whimsical, locally designed shirts. Jeans must no longer be purchased for fit only (which is difficult enough). Oh no! They must possess the perfect (not necessarily trendy) wash AND not make my lower half look lumpy. A challenge? Indubitably. Yet I willingly take up the gauntlet of effortless-looking casual style! Behold my understated Adina necklace! Cower before my polka-dot NYLA ballet flats! Witness my retro-print LeSportsac bag! Help me decide if this pair of argyle sneakers is pointless, even though I am deeply in love with them!

I know all this just makes me a big consumer whore. But you must understand that my struggle will eventually pay off when I can blindly choose any item of clothing from my wardrobe and wear it impunity. You must also understand that this will never, ever happen, no matter how hard I try. Yet try I shall!

In news that does not make me look like a horrible, shallow person (or does it?), here is a message that was sent to the reply address of one of our promotional e-mails (names have been changed to protect the weird):

To: offers@emails.fredericks.com
Subject: Re: Get up to $50 Off Your Order at Fredericks.com

Dear Fred,

I like the clothes you are selling. They look great, but not on me, of
course. :) About Bush, I see him as doing things that are and have
destroyed America. So many things. I don't trust politicians to begin
with, but the more I learn about Bush and his group, the more I dislike him.
I am sure the personally he is a nice man, but not for our country.

The weather her is beautiful this time of year, but that will change very
soon. I do have my a/c going now and most likely won't shut it off till the
Fall.

CVS bought Eckerds, so Karen is in limbo until July 1st when they take
over. Who knows what they will do. More jobs lost.

I'm still working a couple of days a week at the courier office. It all
helps. I hope to go swimming soon, and this time not burn my feet.
(like last year). Karen is planning on going to Indonesia later this
Summer, not sure when. We have to wait and see what happens with CVS. She
is excited about that. Wish I could go on some vacation.

Well, that's about all for now. I saw this definition of POLTICS.
"Polly" comes from the Latin word for "many" and "ticks" comes from the word
meaning blood sucking bugs. :)

Hope all is well with you.

Take care,
Love,
Josh