In the interest of blogging without thinking, today I would like to share The Funniest Joke Ever, sent to me all the way from Scotland via friend Graham. Because I am lazy, the grammar has not been Americanized (or Americanised, if you will).
Enjoy.
A barman is starting his shift one evening. The bar contains the usual regulars, however, sat at the corner of the bar is a stranger. As the stranger is nursing a full pint, the barman doesn't pay that much attention to him and carries on with his work.
After half an hour or so, the stranger catches the barman's attention and beckons him over. The stranger orders a pint for himself and "whatever the rest of the bar is having". At this point, the barman notices that half of the stranger's face has a strange complexion, not dissimilar to orange peel. It also has an unusual colour, which, due to the poor lighting in the bar, appears to be dark orange.
The barman gives the stranger his pint, and pours drinks for everyone else in the place. The price of the round comes to £83.17, which the stranger happily pays. A few of the regulars come over to thank the stranger for their drinks. He reciprocates in the small talk, but after a while the men all float back to their own tables, leaving the women hanging on the stranger's every word and flirting outrageously with him.
After half an hour, the stranger beckons the barman over and orders a pint for himself, and again a drink for everyone else in the bar. This continues all night, with the stranger buying drinks for everyone else in the place every half an hour or so.
At the last bell, the stranger orders a double round for everyone. After finishing their drinks, the rest of the punters all head for home, and only the stranger and the barman are left in the bar. The barman says to the stranger, "that was incredibly kind of you to buy everyone a drink. I couldn't help but notice that half of your face is different from the other. If you don't mind me asking, how did your face come to look like that?"
The stranger smiles ruefully and sighs, "It's a long story, mate..."
"That's OK", says the barman, "I'm just tidying up here and will be a while yet. I'd be really interested to find out".
The stranger takes a deep breath. "Well, it all started fifteen years ago when my mother died. I had to clear out her house following the funeral, and as I was clearing the attic I came a cross a small, brass lamp. It was in dire need of a polish, so I gave it a rub with my hankie and suddenly a genie appeared".
The barman, fearing he's in for a bit of a tall tale, sarcastically says, "Oh, and I suppose he gave you three wishes..."
"Correct", says the stranger. "My first wish was that no matter how much money I took out of my wallet, it would always be full of cash. Hence why I was able to buy drinks all night. My second wish was that members of the opposite sex would find me irresistible."
The barman, by now realising that the stranger's tale might actually be true, given the way that he was throwing cash around and the way women were hanging around him all night, clears his throat and asks, "and what was your third wish?"
The stranger drains his glass, "I wanted half my face to look like an orange..."
You can find more of the interesting word usements I structure on Apple.com.
Read my article, Better Writing Through Design, on No. 242 of A List Apart.