Present Imperfect

Thank You! I'm Here All Week! | May 05, 2005

Hello, everybody! Isn't it a glorious day full of magic and delight? No? I didn't think so either. Kinda cloudy.

In the absence of having anything "real" or "insightful" to say, I thought I'd take a friend's advice and share with you my imaginary tour rider. For when I am famous. For sporadic blogging. It will be the most excellent show you have ever seen. There will be much sitting around and procrastinating with the occasional burst of banal observation. You will beg for more. There will be merchandise. And my tee shirts will fit everyone.

Anyway, here goes. Feel free to play along.

• 12 bottles of Fiji water
• 4 bags of fresh cheese curds (from Wisconsin ONLY)
• 6 UglyRipe tomatoes (NOT generic hothouse)
• Sea salt in self-grinding vessel
• Taylor's of Harrogate Lapsang Souchong or Earl Grey tea (NOT Twinings! Violators will be punished!)
• 1 of those bouncy things with a handle on it. You know, for bouncing on. You know the ones.
• 1 unopened copy of Labyrinth on DVD
• 3 pounds of butter
• 1 Hello Kitty waffle maker
• 3 bags of Kraft caramels
• 1 box of cocktail-ornament plastic monkeys (multicolored)
• 48 bottles of beer on the wall (heady ales; NOT lager)
• 48 bottles of beer
• Take one down
• Pass it around
• 47 bottles of beer on the wall
• 12 packs of Pixie Stix (with all lime-flavored Stix REMOVED)
• 12 hard-boiled eggs
• 2 packages of PAAS egg dye
• 1 64-count box of Crayola crayons (with Periwinkle crayon REMOVED)
• 3 boxes Barbara's Puffins (peanut butter flavor ONLY)
• Gauze. Lots of it.
• 1 Ziplock bag of freshly roasted pumpkin seeds
• 1 hollowed-out pumpkin
• 3 serrated knives of various lengths
• 6 bags of Synder's of Hanover Butter Snaps pretzels
• 1 certified reflexologist (WITH sense of humor)